[AGGRESSIVELY THINKS ABOUT DOING CUTE THINGS WITH YOU]
[CUTELY THINKS ABOUT DOING AGGRESSIVE THINGS WITH YOU]
I went to church with my family tonight and the pastor said something that I think every Christian should hear
- Pastor: Now, according to a few passages in the bible, homosexuality is a sin.
- Couple of older males in the audience: Amen!
- Pastor: Now, wait, I'm not finished.
- Pastor: You know what else the bible defines as a sin? Divorce.
- -uncomfortable silence-
- Pastor: There are countless passages that talk about how divorce is wrong, and that there are consequences to getting a divorce, such as the wife should be stoned.
- Pastor: Yet, I witnessed a divorce just this morning. And I gotta tell you, it was heartbreaking, but I definitely didn't attempt to throw rocks at the wife, even though she was the one who filed for divorce.
- Pastor: We choose to overlook the consequences of divorce because time has proven that they're inhumane and cruel.
- Pastor: The bible doesn't say anything about the consequences of a homosexual lifestyle. Yet, we seem to be spearheading a campaign to ruin the lives of people we don't even know.
- -the pastor shifts a few notes around-
- Pastor: The bible states to love thy neighbor. That's it. There are no other rules or restrictions to that passage.
- Pastor: So, we as a church family have to support equality with a smile on our face. THAT is the true Christian way.
exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. bacon.
so i stopped at walmart tonight to pick up a few things and i was in the pasta aisle looking for tomato sauce and this guy walks by and says “hey baby you making my favorite meal tonight?” and for some reason i said “only if you enjoy feasting on the flesh of your enemies” and his friend looked at me like i was the devil and this is why i shouldn’t communicate with other people
I think that’s a perfectly valid answer though!
Plot twist: Only tumblr users survive the apocalypse because we were too lazy to go outside to see what was going on.
Second plot twist: We don’t realize everyone else is gone until we run out of food. We don’t really care until all the Nutella is gone.
Third plot twist: We finally all meet up because we have to repopulate the world.
Fourth plot twist: Everyone on tumblr actually gets laid.